The journey of becoming ‘You’ is at the heart of human existence
As I approach my birthday this month, its got me thinking a lot about the journey of becoming ‘me’- Sandra with all her complexities, twists and turns. It seems that for most of my life its been at the core of so much of what I do. When I think about it, it is this search (quest for self) that has inspired me immensely to study personal development, personal growth and psychology.
But, all of our lives, even unconsciously are driven by this quest for self. At some point in our lives, if not at various points we have all wondered about questions like: who am I? who do I want to be? What is my purpose?
No Easy Answers
There are no easy answers to these questions. Forget the quick fix like asking a guru, spiritual adviser or a psychic. These will only make you feel more disconnected and lost. Instead the journey of becoming is a long process that only you can embark on and it involves much self-reflection and introspection. Some would say its a lifetime’s work, but I honestly feel that for many people once they hit their mid 20s or mid 30s, they have a pretty good grasp of who they are. Not to say that, this doesn't change as we are constantly evolving and major life events (death, break ups, sickness etc) can really set us back and make us feel lost.
Creating or Finding Yourself?
The verdict is still out on this one with many people including myself believing its the former and others believing its the latter. There are people who believe its a combination of both. George Bernard Shaw famously said:
“Life isn’t about finding yourself. Life is about creating yourself.”
Whatever school of thought, you subscribe to, you need to discover it for yourself. No one can tell you or do the work for you. Your truth comes from deep within.
Our Relationships with Others
It’s been said that life is all about relationships — intimate, family, friends, work etc. I am a firm believer that the people we form relationships with especially our intimate partners help us become who we are. After all, so much passion, joy and heartache is experienced in just this one area. I find that challenging partners and in general challenging people are some of our best teachers as they show us what we don’t want.
Know What You Don’t Want
From personal experience I have come to believe that you need to know what you don’t want in life before you can know what you do want. This gives you the perfect contrast to get 100% clarity. In addition, it enables you to truly appreciate things and life a lot more. Just look at someone who has been in a abusive relationship and then finds a healthy relationship. They will appreciate the latter more. This isn't to say that we should subject ourselves to abuse. Its just to illustrate the concept of contrast.
Multi-Layered Self
In the process of becoming, we must not forget that like a tree with many branches, we are multi- layered. There is a physical, mental, emotional, sexual and spiritual component to ourselves. Remove one of these and its like loosing your arm or leg. Human beings haven't evolved or were created to be just one dimensional/layer. I’m certain you have found in your own life that if just one of these areas is missing than you feel out of balance. So, its important to always maintain a equilibrium of these areas.
Hope I have given you some food for thought on the process of becoming and just know that where you are at this moment in time is just part of your ongoing journey of your quest for self.
I wish you all the best on your quest which is the most important you’ll ever embark on. There is no map, but we can learn from others who have gone before us and seek inspiration through our mentors and role models.
Stay safe, stay sane and stay sanitised at this time!
